


No Return

by creatureofhobbit



Category: Lost
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 21:50:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14941998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creatureofhobbit/pseuds/creatureofhobbit
Summary: When Desmond takes Sayid on a tour of his old haunts in Scotland, Sayid regrets that he has nowhere he wants to show Desmond.





	No Return

It was going to be the first time in years that either of them had a place to call home.

As Desmond walked with Sayid through the streets of Glasgow, showed him where he had gone to school, laughed with Sayid as he pointed out where his ex had found him very drunk after Celtic’s victory in 1989, Sayid could see how happy Desmond was to finally be home again after so many years. On the journey over, as they had discussed the new life they were about to start together, Desmond had said it didn’t matter, that they could start their life anywhere, (even back on the island, although he later admitted he had been joking about that) as long as they were together. But watching Desmond’s face as he showed Sayid his childhood housing estate, Sayid knew that moving to Scotland had been the right decision for Desmond.

Sayid had known he was never going to go back to Iraq, the place which held no happy memories for him, even now that the regime of Saddam Hussein had fallen. All he would see there was memories of his family, how his father had pitted him against his brother Omer – “At least one of you will be a man”. He didn’t even know what had happened to any of them since the fall of Saddam’s regime. He had known that his father would never have understood his decision to leave the Republican Guard, especially over Nadia, who he would have considered a traitor. When none of his family had made contact after the return of the Oceanic Six, that came as no surprise to Sayid. He did often wonder what had happened to Omer, although he knew that even if he did find him, he would not be welcomed if he reached out.

And even if he avoided Tikrit, where in Iraq would Sayid want to return to, to show Desmond the places of his youth? Not Basra, of course; Sayid wanted to turn his back on his time in the Republican Guard, much as he knew that Desmond understood, would never judge him for his actions in the past. He had spent so long trying not to think of Iraq, yet now that Desmond had decided to take Sayid to Scotland, to show him where he had grown up, Sayid found himself wishing that he had somewhere that he had been happy, somewhere that he would have been proud to show Desmond. 

If he had been put upon the spot, he would have to say that the happiest moments of his younger days had been the time he spent in Cairo. Yet he also knew that he was not ready to now, and maybe would never be able to take Desmond there either, would always be haunted by the memories of his roommate and best friend Essam. Desmond knew the story, of course; it had been their night spent together on the freighter when Sayid had confided in Desmond about his guilt for failing to save Essam, knowing Desmond was the only person who could possibly understand his feelings due to his own guilt over his failure to save Charlie, that had brought them together. Even when Desmond had pointed out that Charlie had told him once his grandfather was from Fife, and that he had visited often in his childhood, and they had gone to the town where Simon Pace was raised as a tribute to Charlie, Sayid argued with himself about whether he should share that part of his life with the only person he had ever opened up to about it.

 

If Sayid was ever going to share that with anyone, to take anyone back to his old university haunts, Desmond would be that person. He did want to go back there, to say a final goodbye to Essam, and thought it would be easier with Desmond by his side. But not now, not yet.


End file.
